You
by Anguis Amor
Summary: Hermione has doubts about her relationship with Ron, meanwhile Harry doesn't make it easier with a confession and a kiss. AU
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hi, I've been roaming for a very long time. And this is my first attempt at writing HP FF. Please be kind and gentle, haha. Enjoy. PS: I wish I was JK Rowling, but alas, I am not. HP is not mine, unfortunately.**_

Hermione sighed and picked up another glass. She had another fight with Ron. Again. She didn't want to marry yet. She didn't want to have kids yet. She wanted to live her life. Maybe pursue a career. But he just didn't understand it. At all.

She understood. He came from a family, a big family. And having children is a big thing. Also, wizards marry and have kids pretty quick. But Hermione with her muggle upbringing, she just wasn't ready. Too soon, she thought. She was just 19. The war was over. She and Ron were pretty stable, but the war had changed them. And she just wanted some normalcy and wanted to live her life a little. She didn't want to tie herself down so soon. And her career. She really wanted to become a healer or a professor at Hogwarts or do research about magic. All these possibilities.

She sighed. She had so many dreams. Why did that stupid Ronald not understand? They talked many times about it, but they always ended up in a fight. She tried to keep calm and she tried to explain it to him. She tried to reason with him, but somehow her words just didn't go through his thick skull. All this thinking only led to headaches. Sometimes she wondered if they were compatible. He liked quidditch. She liked books. The only common grounds she had with him were the usual things, like "how was your day?" "how was quidditch?" "how was work?". She tried to talk to him. She always listened when he was raving about quidditch. However he didn't do that with her. She didn't remember a single time that he would listen to her, talking about something that interested her.

Or that one time, professor McGonall asked her to help her at Hogwarts. And how she enjoyed teaching. When she was sharing that, Ron would just interrupt her and start talking about some random other topic like what he and Fred did. He didn't listen. He didn't care.

In the beginning, it was different. They needed each other. Both were in the middle of the war. Both knew what had happened. And they could share it with each other. But now after the hardest part was over, the cracks of their relationship appeared. At least, it appeared to Hermione.

She wondered if Ron had these doubts too. But she didn't think so. After every argument she would storm out of the house, being fed up with him. And she would go back to their apartment in the middle of the night. Often, Ron would just snuggle up to her and try to have sex with her. As if the fight never happened and they would just try to make babies.

She had doubts. So many doubts. Sometimes she wondered how they even ended up together. They seemed like such an unfit couple. Everyone told her they were supposed to be together. But she guiltily thought, were they really? Or was it because the circumstances were so that they grew close.

The war was over. They all left Hogwarts. And now she felt lost. And she felt guilty. Wasn't it supposed to be all good and well? Why does she see so many cracks? And Ron is not a bad guy. Not at all. He was really sweet, sometimes stubborn and not so intelligent. But still, very sweet and he was funny. He had a goofy grin and he always had the tendency to talk and eat. He had this way of laughing that warmed her heart. But in the end, she still didn't feel like they were on the same wave length.

Were they really supposed to be together?

She downed another glass and decided she was done moping. She would go home and talk to Ron tomorrow. She hoped that he would understand. Cracks are meant to be filled, right?

She quickly paid and left the bar. Outside, it was freezing. She realized she forgot her shawl. Quickly she went inside again and there she stumbled upon a black haired man. And with green eyes she would recognize everywhere.

"Harry! Nice to see you." She hugged him tightly and she willed her shivers away. "Yeah, you too. How are you and Ron?"

"We are… good. You an Gin?"

He nodded, "We are… okay."

"Okay, good," she said.

She and Harry always had been great friends. However the war had changed them too. After Ron had left her and Harry in the Horcrux hunting, she felt betrayed and alone. However Harry was always there for her. She knew he heard her cries at night. But he never said anything about it. He was always there for her. When she needed a shoulder to cry on, when she needed to vent about that stupid Ron leaving her and Harry, he listened to her. And that one moment, when Harry and she were dancing and acting all goofy and they were so close to each other, staring in each other's eyes. That is when she felt something stir deep inside her. But she broke away from his gaze. She didn't know what it was. And she hoped that it would sway and slowly disappear.

But it didn't. And after the war, she ended up with Ron and he with Ginny. She just tried to bury that weird feeling. However, whenever she saw Harry, she felt uneasy and awkward.

Just like right now. She felt a bit tense and she didn't know what to say. They just stood there, their eyes not meeting the other's.

"I should go," Hermione eventually said. "Ron is probably waiting."

"Yeah," Harry said.

She turned away. Tightening up her shawl, she closed her eyes. Ready to apparate. But one word made her turn around.

"Wait." Harry closed the distance between them. And suddenly he was just inches apart from her. Looking into her eyes, he slowly exhaled.

"I am going to break up with Ginny."

The breath, she was apparently holding, slipped, "why?"

"You," was all he said when his lips crashed into hers.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Sorry, this is my first story on fanfic, ever. And I still am trying to figure it out. Bear with me. Anyways, here is chapter 2. And I fixed the summary and everything. Lemme know what you think. Feedback is welcome; flaming not so much. Enjoy!**_

"You," is such a simple word. But the complexity behind it, she honestly could write a whole essay about it. But she didn't. She didn't think about the complexity. Because she simply couldn't think anymore. The only thing she could do, was respond to Harry's kiss. Well, her body responded for her. As if instinct took over, she kissed him back. Her head was spinning. And she never felt so alive before. She didn't even know that she had this burning desire in her.

Till her oxygen levels were so low, she needed to break away from him. And that was also when her brain started working again. "Shit," she muttered. What did she do? She kissed Harry. Both were panting and avoiding each other. She avoided him because she didn't know what to do. He avoided her, because he didn't know what she was thinking. Or what she thought about him. And the kiss.

"I need to go," she said, "Ron… is waiting for me."

A flash of anger crossed Harry's face, but quickly he composed himself. "Be safe," he whispered. She nodded and apparated away. To home.

She slipped back in her house. And everything felt different. She felt guilty. She kissed Harry. And she liked it. She liked it a lot. Never had anyone kissed her like that. And never had it happened that she couldn't think anymore. Even whenever she was with Ron or Krum even. With every touch, she still analysed everything. But this time it was different. Also, she felt so guilty. She was a cheater. A cheater. She really needed to do something about it.

After taking a hot shower and contemplating a lot about what happened, she had decided. This was not going to happen again. Yes, she did have doubts about her relationship with Ron. But that did not mean that she would jeopardize this relationship. She wasn't like that. It was just a one-time thing. She told herself.

But in the back of her mind, a thought nagged her. What if that kiss meant more than that? She shrugged. No, she repeated. It was not going to happen again. She vowed to herself.

Ron was already sleeping. She quickly crawled into bed. It was getting cold at night. And she kissed him on the lips. He didn't wake. Disappointed, she turned around. She had expected to feel something. She didn't.

The following morning, she woke with Ron kissing her. "You still mad?" he asked. She shook her head. She kissed him on the cheek. "Let's get up. We need to go to work," she said. She quickly hopped into the shower. While the water was running down her back, she thought back to Ron. He was sweet, asking her if she was still mad. He was sweet, she repeated in her head.

Breakfast was like usual. Ron was talking about something she wasn't interested in. She nodded and pretended to listen. And he didn't notice and kept jabbering on. And it felt wrong to her.

She interrupted him abruptly. "I am full. I am going to dress first," she said. He nodded. She never dared to meet his eyes. She was afraid that he would see her uncertainty. Upstairs, she quickly dressed and tried to calm herself. Her relationship was always like that. They were two people so very different. But why did it suddenly feel so wrong? It didn't feel _right_, but it never felt wrong. She did have doubts about her relationship, but it never became such a nagging feeling. And in every relationship, there is some uncertainty about the future, right? Her doubts are normal, right? Yes, they were. She told herself and told her to man up. It happened, now move on. She repeated in her head.

Downstairs, Ron received a distraught call from his little sister. Harry broke up with her. He said he didn't love her anymore. And that his heart belonged to someone else. Ron, being the big brother, was furious at him. He quickly went to Hermione.

"Hey Hermione, I am going to Gin. Harry, the bastard, broke up with her. He said that he fell in love with someone else." He thundered. "What a jerk! Can you believe him?" Hermione shrugged, "it happens, right?" She tried not to think of yesterday night. How his lips felt against her. And how he would break up with Ginny. Because of her.

Ron shook his head. "This doesn't just happen, Hermione. It just doesn't." He let out a breath. "Anyway, I am going to Gin. You coming?"

"You go. I still have a load of work to do," she lied. Last week she rounded her project up. Now there really wasn't much to do, but some little things. She just didn't want to see Ginny, with the knowledge that the other woman was her. "Be safe," she said to Ron. He nodded.

Before he left, she grabbed him and kissed him fiercely. Ron was surprised. Hermione never really kissed him like that, before he responded back, matching her own.

At last he pulled away. "I need to go."

Hermione let him go. Still feeling empty inside. That kiss still didn't match Harry's, she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Ron came back home. Madder than ever before. Seeing his heartbroken little sister, it had brought his protective side out. Severely. She had never seen Ron so made before. Never. And it kind of scared her. How would he react, when he found out it was me? I was the cause of the break up between Harry and Ginny… And she remembered how Harry kissed her. And a burning feeling rose up inside her.

No, she thought, trying to shut the feeling off. This was neither the time nor the place to think about that. She must think about the heart broken Ginny and Ron, her boyfriend.

And so she walked over and hugged Ron. "How are you doing?" she asked. Ron, not noticing anything, sighed and hugged her back.

"I am mad. My best friend! What kind of best friend is he, breaking Gin's heart?" He shook his head. "I already told him from the very beginning to not pursue Ginny. But he did anyways. And now, this happens. He just fucked it up."

Ron began shaking. "Asshole!" he yelled, while the whole room shook. Hermione took his hands. "Ron! Look at me." And he gazed into her eyes, slowly calming down.

"That's better," she said. He smiled. "What would I do without you?" And he kissed her.

Late at night, she turned and turned. Ron, being Ron, slept like a dragon. He didn't move and made a lot of sound. Like always. She still felt unruly. And guilty. However she felt guilty about the fact that she did not regret the kiss or the fact that she did not feel guilty causing Ginny's break up. She didn't at all. And she knew she was a bad person for not feeling guilty about it. She wondered. Was she also bad because she felt guilty about the fact for not feeling guilty? Her brains were wracking and Hermione was wide awake. She did not know what to do.

Obviously she loved Ron a lot. Well, loved… She cared a lot for him. She didn't know if what she felt was really love. When she kissed him, it felt empty. She could put as much force and fierce behind it and he could kiss her with all the passion he had. But it didn't spark anything with her. Nothing.

However, that simple kiss from Harry. She was replaying it all over again. In her head. How his lips felt against her lips. Where his hands were placed. How aware she was of him. How her feelings were intensified. How she didn't think.

How he made her feel alive.

Alive. It wasn't something she had ever really felt. Hermione was the girl who always tried to aim high. She was always proving herself. Or she was always surviving. But really alive, like that?

She loved books. She loved her friends. She loved cooking and traveling. But she never had a real passion for something. A passion that overwhelmed her. A passion that shook her core. A passion that knocked her off her feet.

And it was just one kiss.

She turned and looked at Ron. Their relationship was a rocky one with a lot of fighting. They never really understood each other. Not on this deep connected level. Not really. They had a shared past and that brought them together. However, she realized that when Harry kissed her, something had changed.

With that kiss, Harry woke something up, buried deep inside her.

_**A/N: Hi guys! Thanks to everyone favoriting, following and reviewing. Makes me so happy! Sorry for updating, in forever. I was really busy, unfortunately. I decided to keep it short this time. Hope you guys enjoyed it nonetheless. Lemme know :) xx**_


	4. Chapter 4

Harry trailed his hands around her back. Every trail left a burning sensation behind. He kissed her fiercely, pushing her up the wall. She dug her fingers in his flesh, while she gasped for air.

He left kisses on her jaw, on her neck. His hand crept up under her skirt, while she cradled him.

"Please," she whispered.

And then she felt something going in and out of her, roughly and… sloppy. Hermione opened her eyes. Ron.

What an anti climax, she thought. She pushed Ron away and turned around. "I'm tired," she grumbled. Ron sighed. "Come on, Hermione."

He slowly leaned over. "What's up? Is something wrong?"

She said, "I'm fine. Please, let me sleep."

"Okay," he walked over to the bathroom. Hermione knew he would be jacking off on his own. Hermione and Ron hadn't been sleeping since the kiss. She just didn't feel like it. It was really weird, but she just didn't want to, despite her desire and craving. Ron was her boyfriend, however thinking about him felt as if she was cheating… Because the only thing she could think of was Harry.

She cursed him. If he just didn't kiss her, then she wouldn't be in this position. Then she wouldn't have had this problem.

But then she shook her head. She nuzzled deeper into the blankets. Who was she kidding? If her relationship with Ron were well, then she wouldn't even be thinking this. Their relationship already had cracks, but Harry with his amazing kissing skills was just the last push before it broke. And she knew it. Hermione knew damn well that she should be breaking up with Ron. Now more than ever.

But she didn't know if she could. She was never the one for confrontations. Unless you were a ferret of course. Every time she and her friends fought, she would always be the first one to bury the hatchet. To her, friendship was really important. She and Ron and Harry had been to hell and back. And they survived. Their friendship survived. Before Hogwarts, Hermione never had many friends. She found her sanctuary in books and the library. Books didn't judge. Books wouldn't laugh at her for having bushy hair. Books wouldn't steal her lunch money. Books wouldn't hate her.

So when she met Harry and Ron, it was really special. At the beginning of Hogwarts she had the sinking feeling that Hogwarts would be like everything else. Just like her primary school, where everyone hated her and thought she was stuck up.

But no, these two saved her life. From a troll. And they didn't even really know her.

And now she is going to break a heart. From one of them. She was going to hurt him. She was going to tear his heart out. And his heart was going to be stomped on when he finds out, she thought.

What to do? She remembered his face, when he came back from Ginny. He was so mad. And hurt. She saw the betrayal in his eyes. She almost felt it. And she knew that the same betrayal will be felt towards her. When she told him to break up. When he knew about her and Harry.

This was messed up. She buried her face into her hands.

Tomorrow, she thought. Tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

And tomorrow never came.

She had decided that she would be telling Ron at dinnertime. Then they were both at home. They had enough time. There would be no distractions. It would have been perfect, as perfect it can be under these circumstances.

However, a fire call shattered her supposed perfect plan. Ron called to tell her that Ginny would be staying with them. Because of the breakup, Ginny couldn't really stay there. And she didn't want to tell Molly, yet. Ginny knew Molly would be so upset. And she already was upset. Two distraught Weasley women would just make things worse, she thought.

And of course, Hermione said "okay". Because honestly, what choice did she have? Not that Ron really asked her. He just told her. This was going to happen. And it was going to happen like that. And she just nodded.

In Hogwarts she was this "know-it-all" and often people would say that she was stubborn and headstrong. She always wanted to control everything. And she did. Hermione was never the one liking surprises. Like the bomb Ron just dropped upon her, without even asking if she agreed.

Ron did that often. He often just made appointments without asking her. Or he would just leave her hanging.

"Hermione, we have a dinner with so and so. Meet me in a hour at here and there."

"Hermione, sorry, but I need to cancel our date. I have this and this with that and that."

"Hermione, I am sorry but I am going to play Quidditch. Give your parents my greetings."

She didn't really remember a time where he would ask what she would want. Or if she even wanted to do whatever too. Her boyfriend was a self absorbed git.

But Ron was still her boyfriend. Her. Boyfriend.

Sometimes she honestly didn't know how they even lasted this long. But they somehow did. She still remembered that day she introduced Ron to her parents. Afterwards, her mother asked her if she was sure about him. And she said, she was. Because after surviving the war with Ron, didn't that mean that they were supposed to be together? They survived freaking Voldermort. They should survive some friction and arguments between them. Every relationship had them.

But survive was the keyword. Their relationship sprouted from the soil of survival. When they had no one, they had each other. When the danger disappeared and normalcy returned in their lives, the mismatch was brought to life. By living.

Living made the cracks appear. It was life itself that wrecked havoc, because then their compatibility, which was pretty much non existent, was the soil of the relationship.

And this was the crux of the problem, Hermione knew. Hermione was not stupid. She was analytical, rational and very smart. However, the studies of the mind and the heart, she was no expert in that field. Especially her own mind and heart. Feelings are the least rational beings ever and that clouded her judgement.

She thought she was in love, but as time went by. She started to doubt it. And now she knew. She was not in love. Ron's and her relationship, it just didn't work.

But she didn't see it. She never really saw it. Until today. Until he dropped that bomb. She lived in that goddamn house too. And he didn't even ask if it was okay. Just a little bit of effort. Just to show her that he cared about her opinion. But he never did. He really never did, she realized.

She also realized that it was Harry who was the catalyst, but he was not the cause. The root of this problem was the relationship it self. She shouldn't have stayed with Ron, she realized.

She didn't even understand why she even put up with this. And this wasn't the first time, she knew. She became a meek person. Because she valued her friendship and her relationship with Ron so much, she just took it. She just took it. Hermione became a person, she never thought she would be. And for the first time in forever, she felt weak.

Oh god, she thought, what did I do to myself?


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: chapter 6 is up and running. Gimme feedback! Tell me if you like it. Or not. :) Your feedback makes me a better writer. **_

"Hi Ginny!" Hermione greeted her and gave her a hug, which she didn't reciprocate.

"Hello Hermione," Ginny said coldly. With a sinking feeling, Hermione stepped back and looked into Ginny's eyes. Did she know?

"How are you?" Hermione tried. Ginny smiled, knowingly.

"I am totally fine. My boyfriend just broke up with me, telling me he is in love with some kind of…" Ginny said, looking straight into Hermione's eyes, "Bitch."

Before Hermione could respond, Ginny flashed a wicked smile. "Luckily, you wouldn't ever do that, right?"

"Yeah, no, of course not," Hermione stumbled. Of course, I wasn't the one who kissed your boyfriend, she thought secretly. I mean, ex-boyfriend.

Hermione shook her head. She was being a real bitch in her head. Nonetheless, she was.

"Good, that is why you are my best friend," Ginny answered so sweetly, chills were running up Hermione's back. In the end, she just nodded.

Afterwards, Hermione just told Ginny that she was tired. "You know your way around the house, Gin. I'm going upstairs rest a little. I've been tired a lot lately. Might be getting ill," she said. Ginny just nodded. "Sure, I'll see you at dinner then."

"Yeah, Ron will be getting some take out. Fire-call him if you need anything or have a preference." Hermione said, before she went to her room.

Once she was alone, she relaxed. The tension she felt between Ginny and her was palpable. However she didn't know if she was the one causing it, or if Ginny knew. She quickly shook her head. Ginny wouldn't know, right?

But then she remembered how Ginny looked at her, when she said "Bitch". On the other hand, Ginny did call her her best friend. Hermione decided that she was thinking way too much. Like always. But she couldn't shake away that chilly feeling she had in her gut. So she did what she always did. She warded her room for safety and privacy.

It was a habit she fell back into, since the war and Horcrux hunting. All the time being on the run, all the time being in danger and having these haunting feelings had made Hermione paranoid. She was a lot less paranoid than in the war, but the warding habit never left her. Every time she didn't feel sure, she would ward. Just for the sake of her own mind.

She quickly nestled into her bed and fell asleep.

And with a start, she woke. Her body was feeling hot and bothered. She had another hot dream about harry and her. Her heart was beating loudly and her body was sweaty.

Hermione heard crying. She knew it was Ginny. Ginny's sobs were heard through the house. And Hermione felt guilty. This time she felt guilty about having feelings for Harry. She felt guilty for the kiss.

Here, Hermione was in her bed, having sexy dreams of Ginny's ex-boyfriend. Hermione was supposed to be Ginny's best friend. She was also the one kissing Ginny's boyfriend. Hermione sighed. This was never supposed to happen, she thought.

After the war, it should have been a happy ever after with Harry and Ginny and Ron and her. It should have been easy.

But real life was never easy. Harry broke up with Ginny because of her. And in her house, Ginny was staying, while she was fantasizing about her ex-boyfriend. This was so wrong.

Hermione knew this was wrong. However hearing the sobs, she finally felt how wrong her feelings were. And she decided it was done. She was done with it.

She got up and quickly threw a vest around her undershirt and got her jeans on. She would be quick. Walking over the floo, she gave herself a pep talk. "Let's get this over with," she murmured, before she threw the powder.

"Potter manor."

_**A/N: And? What do you think ;) **_

_**PS: still two chapter (+1epilogue) to go! Woohoo :) **_

_**Hope you enjoy the ride as much as I am doing**_


	7. Chapter 7

And of course, Hermione would stumble out of the floo. She and floos never worked. From the beginning, that relationship was doomed to fail.

She slowly got up, when she heard footsteps nearing. She looked up and stared. Harry, being bare chested was not what she expected.

"Hi, Hermione," Harry sang. Well, in her head, his words sounded like singing. She swallowed and tried, "h-hey."

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked. "I was just heading into the shower," he lulled. "That sounds good," Hermione said with a gaze. When she heard her own words, she blushed. Not good, she thought. You are here to break things off. Think about Ginny. Don't think about his… body.

"Yeah," she nodded, when she convinced herself why she was in Potter Manor in the first place.

"We need to talk," she said, solemnly. Harry sighed. "Yes, I knew this conversation would be coming."

He neared her. Harry laid his hand around her waist. Hermione inhaled sharply by his touch. He inched closer and whispered, "let's go to the living room."

Hermione let her breath slip slowly, lest Harry realized his effect on her.

Sitting in the living room, neither of them said anything. Hermione had formed so many beginnings in her head. But none of the words she could say. She tried not to think of that knee that was just inches away from her knee. She tried not to think of that body, which was still half clothed.

Hermione cursed her timing. She could have chosen so many moments, but of course she would choose the moment when he was just half naked and heading into the shower. Of course, that was just her luck. Or non-luck, she thought.

In the end, she just said, "So…" She was really bad with confrontations.

Harry also said, "so…"

After another moment of silence and a lot of nervous thinking, Hermione said, "we need to talk. About what happened. About everything."

Harry just nodded, which Hermione saw as encouragement to continue.

"Harry, our kiss, it was a mistake." Hermione said. "It was wrong. On so many levels."

Before she could tell him about Ginny, about how broken she was, how her sobs sounded and how guilty Hermione felt, he interrupted her.

"But if you're right, Hermione, why did it feel so good?" Harry said, inching closer. He laid his hand on her knee.

"How come, after our kiss, I just can't stop thinking about how your lips felt against mine? How come, I just can't get you out of my head?"

Hermione just looked at Harry. She didn't know what to say. She was at loss for words. Her resolve to tell Harry off was slowly disappearing. His eyes were burning with a passion. She knew Harry was passionate.

He always went for whatever he wanted. And whatever he did, he would pour his heart in it.

She looked at him. She saw how he was gazing at her, as if she was the most beautiful person ever. And she knew, he was waiting for her.

The tension between them was rising and Hermione was fighting it. In her heart, there was a storm going on. She knew and she had felt how wrong that kiss and her feelings were. Ginny. Ron.

Harry… And she moved. She closed the distance and this time, it was her lips crashing onto his.

She let her hands wander to his back. She pulled him closer. Her lips opened quickly for him. He let his tongue explore. She needed to be nearer. She needed to feel him. She crawled on top of him. Sitting on his lap, she slowly rocked back and forth.

Harry kissed her fiercely. The passion coursed through their body. And she felt how his was rising. She needed him. His hands went under her shirt and closed around her breast. While he kissed her lips, her jaw, her neck, his hands were working her breasts.

She felt how fire was bubbling in her pit. And she knew he knew it too, for he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

There he slowly laid her on the bed as if she was a frail flower. He slowly undressed her, as if she was a warded chest, one needed to be cautious around.

He crawled on top of her, kissing her lips. He kissed her ear. He whispered. "Are you sure?"

And Hermione nodded. She took his head into her hands. Her eyes locking onto his, she said slowly, "take me."

And that was all the stimulation Harry needed as his lips, once again, collided with hers.


	8. Chapter 8

She had so many dreams about this moment. She remembered when they were still in Hogwarts and she was jealous. She remembered how he looked at Cho or Fleur. She remembered sitting next to him and wondering if he would ever look at her like that. She remembered watching him twirl Ginny around in the Gryffindor common room and kissing her. She remembered how she wished it were she.

And here she was, laying in the arms of Golden boy, or better, the Golden man. She looked over at him. His eyes were closed. He fell asleep that poor thing. She felt a bit sore, but she knew she would be okay. Harry had been rough at some point, but she didn't mind. She remembered how in the end, he hugged her tight. And how he told her "I love you, Mione."

Finally, it was her, she thought.

And she remembered how passionate he was, how he really loved her. She remembered how he made her feel, his passion was her passion.

However, those three words didn't stir anything in her. She didn't feel how her heart leapt.

She just kissed him, for she couldn't say it back.

Here he was asleep. She finally got what she wanted, however she now realized that what she wanted was not what she needed.

Harry, she thought. Her hand brushed his raven hair away, showing the lightning bolt scar. This scar was the one thing that had brought them together as friends. All the dangers they had faced made them closer.

Harry was a really great friend to her. Whenever she needed him, he was there for her. Just like she was for him. He was the one who was best friends with Ron.

She ended up with Ron, however she never could shake that feeling towards Harry away.

All the tension, all the jealousy, she now realized what those feelings really meant. And it made her feel like such a bitch.

Because she knew, when she couldn't say the three words back, that she did not love Harry Potter.

He was her best friend and she did love him dearly, but not romantically. She did feel sexually attracted to him and the sex was great. But she did not love him. Not like that.

Whenever she was down, he was there for her. She realized that Harry was the one who was always filling up a void inside of her. When Ron broke her heart, Harry held her and comforted her. When she almost got killed, Harry saved her and held her close. When Ron walked away from them, Harry was the one that took care of her.

And now, when her relationship with Ron was rocky, when the fire in her was gone, she turned to Harry. For she knew, that he would be there for her.

However, the void within Hermione, she realized, couldn't be filled up with comfort or with Harry's passion. Or even with having sex with him.

Those three words, Harry spoke with such love, made her shiver. She didn't love him. And she also knew, she didn't love Ron. She really didn't. She had been for so long with Ron, and no, she didn't love him.

She had sex with Harry. Afterwards, Harry, snuggling up against her, told her how beautiful she was. He held her. He told her he loved her.

Ron never did. After sex, he would always pass out. There was no after talk or after cuddles. No, it was: sex and done.

But despite that she did have that with Harry, it did not waken her. She still felt empty. She thought that Harry would be the one who would make her feel really alive. And she did.

However after wards, there were no sparks. There was nothing, beside sexual attraction on Hermione's side.

"Hermione," a voice whispered. She looked at him closely. She poked at his cheek. He was still asleep. "I'm the luckiest man alive, you know."

She was the worst.


	9. Chapter 9

After checking that Harry was still asleep, she crept out of his bed. She quickly dressed and flooed back to her home.

She took a shower. She tried to wash her guilt away. When she closed her eyes, she felt his hands on her. How he touched her. How he made her feel. Alive.

And then the spell broke, when he whispered those damn three words and she couldn't respond.

Her eyes opened and she let out a sigh. Another guilt crept upon her. She didn't only kiss him. She broke his relationship with Ginny. She cheated on Ron. With his best friend. And that man loved her. And she didn't love him back. She slept with him.

What to do, she thought. She made everything so much worse.

Stepping out of the shower, she looked at herself. She scowled, "you."

She had broken so many things. It was time to do some damage control. Before she could destroy more things.

She opened the door and she felt how the wards fell. Relieved, she closed it, knowing nobody knew she left.

She went downstairs. Ron and Ginny were eating dinner. They were already almost finished.

"Hi," Hermione said, flustered. She took her chair and sat down. Ron looked at her funny. It was the first time, she broke the habit of kissing him, when he arrived home.

"What did you get?" she asked, not realizing something was off.

"I got some Chinese take out," Ron answered.

"It's really good," Ginny said. Hermione smiled at her. "Let's try it out then"

She looked around the dishes and smelled a certain odour she recognized, unpleasantly.

"Chillies," Hermione grunted. "Chillies, Ron!" After so many years, you would think a boyfriend would know. But, of course, not. Ron, never. She thought.

"What, Hermione?" Ron said, rolling his eyes. An argument would be coming up, again. He thought.

"Chillies. You know I can't tolerate them." She said angrily. She stirred all the dishes. "They are in everything. You ordered chillies. In. Every. Single. Dish."

"Sorry," he said indifferent. It was always the same, to him. Hermione would fine something to pick on. He would say something back. She would get madder. And in the end, she would storm out. Finally she would come back. Because he loved her, she would come back.

What he didn't know, was that this time was their last fight.

"Sorry, that's all. God damn it, Ron. We've known each other for over ten fucking years! And the one time you get the take out, the one time I don't tell you what to order, you fuck up."

"I fuck up?!" Ron responded, furiously. How could she pin that on him?

"You are blowing this way out of proportions, woman!" He said, "You can't just say that."

"How am I blowing this out of proportions, Weasley?" she dared him. "Every dish you ordered had chillies in it. None of the dishes you ordered, can I eat. None. You didn't think of me at all! Otherwise you would have at least one dish without chillies. Even one dish without chillies, I would have been happy. But no, Ron, you didn't. No I can't eat anything at all."

"Sorry," he grumbled.

"Sorry, you always say sorry," she accused him. He would always say sorry, but he would never mean it.

"What more do you want me to say then?" Ron asked, frustrated.

Hermione shook her head. "Nothing," she said, finally.

She sat back in her chair, thinking. After everything, she felt herself breaking. They knew each other for so long, and Ron couldn't even remember that she couldn't tolerate chillies. She couldn't eat chillies. And he just didn't remember.

In the end, she thought, it didn't really matter that she slept with Harry. She realized that even if she didn't have sex with Harry, their relationship couldn't be salvaged any way.

"You don't have to say anything anymore," Hermione said quietly.

Ron didn't answer. They sat there in silence, before Ginny broke it.

"What's on your neck, Hermione?" Ginny asked her. "It looks like a bruise?"

Hermione willed a mirror in her hand. Looking inside the mirror, she saw it. Harry left her a hickey. A big one, she saw.

"A hickey," Hermione finally said, for she didn't care anymore. She looked Ron in the eyes. She slowly drawled the words out. "Harry left me a hickey."

Ron's eyes snapped open. "What?" he asked incredulous.

"Harry left me a hickey," Hermione repeated. "I slept with him."

And with these words, she left the two of them at the dinner. Both of them didn't know what to say or how to respond to a confession as such.


	10. Epilogue

Hermione had left Ron that day. And since, they never spoke. Whenever he saw her, he would turn away.

And she had a talk with Harry. He broke and cried, which she predicted, like a seer. And they decided to go their separate ways.

And Hermione, she pursued her career at Hogwarts. She worked as a healer at St. Mungos. She followed her dreams and such.

She grew as a person. And for the first time in forever, she leaned on herself. She did not need a man or someone else to depend on. She learned who she was, solely as Hermione. And not as part of the Golden trio or as the best friend of the Golden boy, or the girlfriend of Weasley. No, she was just Hermione and she did what she loved.

She met a lot of men, however, none of them met her standards. None.

But she didn't care. Because she was young. And she was happy.

She realized that the void that she was always trying to fill, it couldn't be filled by someone else. Because the thing she was lacking was self-love. And that is not something that someone else can fill for you.

She had tried and she had failed. Many times. In the end, she understood that the void must be filled by herself.

Whenever she walked by a mirror, she would stop and stare. And she would recall the most important thing.

"You," she said to the girl in the mirror.

"I love you."

_Fin._

_A/N: Gonna post up an author note later on, as respons to your reviews and comments.  
>Hope you guys don't hate me too much. <em>


	11. Author notes

Hey guys,

Like I said, I would write the author note, where I would show how I think.

First off, I know I'm no great writer. But I do enjoy writing.

Second, I always thought that Hermione and Ron didn't fit together and thus this story was born. However, it was never my intention to write a story about Hermione breaking up with Ron and running to another guy and it will be a happy ever after.

Because I don't think that Hermione was grown and mature. In the early books, she often trailed after Harry and Ron, disapproving what they did, but they still tagged along and helped them, e.g. their homework. Because they were friends. But if they were really friends, and Hermione wouldn't do their homework, fits were thrown and she would cave and do their homework, anyway.

I don't think it is because they were not friends, but because Hermione was lacking a back bone. In her early years, she didn't have many friends, so that could be a stepping stone for why she did cave when harry and ron pushed. In my opinion.

And yes, I know, in the books/films Hermione and Ron fell in love, slowly, but they did. I don't think their love wasn't real, however to me, their love was more of a young love. A young and first love that was partly built upon the terrors of the war. And don't forget, when they got together they were young (16-17 years?) and yes they matured a lot due to people dying and Voldy, but I don't think they matured emotionally as well. At least not in the sense of being emotionally stable and emotionally normal.

These kids have been through war, and I honestly don't think that during the threat of deatheaters, death and horcruxes, they really had the time to emotionally grow and to know what they love etc.

Even during Hogwarts, there was always the threat of Voldy and death.

I honestly just don't see it. And that is why, in this story, she and Ron just didn't work. She did stay in the relationship, due to her lack of backbone. And we all know Hermione, she always thinks about everything and analyzes everything.

Besides that, she had a 'crush' on Harry, but in my head/opinion, she just wasn't emotionally mature enough to distinguish her feelings for Harry between lust and love. At first, essentially. But when Harry said, I love you and she couldn't say it back, that is when it hit her. That she didn't love him.

And just because Harry did fall in love with her, that doesn't mean that she needs to like/love him too.

And I repeat, they are young, in their 20s. People make mistakes. People fuck up. Sometimes really badly. Like Hermione right now. Does that make her a bad person? I don't think so.

And everything is written in Hermione's perspective. So whatever Ron does, it will feel amplified, because she was already annoyed. Just like whatever Harry, Ginny does.

Anyways, done with explaining.

I just hope you understand it a bit more. If you don't like it, so be it.

I'll work on improving myself in the mean time.

Thanks for the reviews, anyways.


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